Weekend Bulletin

Sex and the Statistics

For the single-minded bloke, the recipe for success on a date is to follow the well-proven tips of some smug friends and take note of some interesting statistics provided by the professionals. Go figure before exposing oneself to potential failure

Being a bloke, especially a single bloke, means you’re always gathering intelligence.

Not that dealing with women is a war (or is it?) but any little titbit to help a bloke out is quickly snapped up and filed away in the ‘I’ll Have to Remember That Next Time’ file.

There’s no doubt both sexes have very active spy networks out there reporting on new tactics, tricks or just the latest do’s and don’ts.

But apart from your own observations and the experiences and tips of others, sometimes you have to consult the oracle – a professional seer to divine the answers to making it as a single bloke.

I’m a fan of the work of Fast Impressions, a Sydney-based speed-dating agency. Not only because they provide me with the occasional media pass and complimentary drinks to some of their cool singles events, but they also seem to know what they’re on about when it comes to working out what makes singles tick.

Fast Impressions recently teamed up with online dating service, Lavalife, to survey 400 Aussie singles aged 18 to 55.

They released the findings a while ago and while some of the results couldn’t be classed as earth-shattering, they did throw up some great information.

Apparently, those of us blokes who resemble the elephant man after losing a world title boxing match shouldn’t despair. As long as you can keep coming out with your trademark witty repartee, you’ll be fine.

Girls apparently rate a bloke’s sense of humour over intelligence, self-confidence, social skills and even looks!

Therefore, the average, hairy man who can have a chuckle and, more importantly, elicit a chuckle from his date, has a better chance of success than the trendy prettyboy who goes off his nut if he spills some spaghetti sauce on his new designer shirt.

Unfortunately, it appears us blokes can be a shallow lot at times, but not as much as women might think.

Blokes apparently rate intelligence above looks (but only just). Who’d have thought that?

I suppose if a bloke’s explanation of how ‘they get those little red things inside stuffed olives’ is met with ‘I thought they just grew like that’, it can be awkward.

But money is the root of all evil right? And the root of a fair chunk of happiness too, I suspect.

According to the survey, 60 per cent of women would not date a man who earned ‘significantly’ less than them.

But how would she find out that sensitive information?

I suppose if you’re a first year chippy’s apprentice earning just enough for a pie every day and a mattress on your mate’s lounge room floor and she’s a barrister, it wouldn’t be hard to work out.

Of course, the blokes are less concerned about the wage gap with a staggering 96 per cent willing to date a woman who earned significantly less and 98 per cent happy to date a woman who earned significantly more than them.

I’ll never forget the five-pronged oestrogen-charged attack I endured when I suggested last year that blokes want to pay the bill on the first date but they would feel a lot better about the woman if she at least offered to share the cost.

I’m not going to get into the argument again here but I said blokes don’t want women to pay but it shows a certain amount of class or good manners if she does offer.

Anyway, the survey showed 66 per cent of women believe blokes should pay on the first date with the remainder willing to go ‘dutch’ – or split the bill 50-50.

Surprisingly, 60 per cent of blokes surveyed believed the first date dinner bill should be split. That doesn’t look good for smooth first dates.

Now, there was good news for a group of women of which there seems to be an abundance on the Gold Coast – the older woman.

I don’t mean the grannies down at your local bowls club, I’m talking about the single or divorced 40-somethings and above.

Not surprisingly, 99 per cent of blokes surveyed said they would date an older woman – well, as they say, experience counts for a lot.

Finally, the age-old question. You’ve had a wonderful evening dining by the river, followed by a moonlit stroll on the beach and what happens next?

The fact blokes would have sex on a first date didn’t exactly bust the ‘You’re kidding me!’ scale, but the fact only 44 per cent of those surveyed said they would certainly was interesting.

Only 23 per cent of women said they would have sex on the first date which means 56 per cent of blokes and 77 per cent of women are quite happy to leave the bedroom gymnastics for a later rendezvous. By the way, 98 per cent of males and 94 per cent of females said they would kiss on the first date.

The survey did not show if the quality of the first kiss affected the percentages of people willing to have sex on the first date.